The first month at Great Vow

And, now we begin again . . . I've been at the monastery for over a month now, but still I can only find this present moment! The past is like a vague mirage, smoke fogging up the present. Nevertheless, I will try to convey the past in some useful way in order to share what my life is like here.

On talking and thinking
Every week or so I will get onto the computer, but I have not yet felt compelled to write a thing. Taking life as one continual meditation, I am frequently impressed with the lacking, dissatisfying nature of language to convey the mysterious, ever-changing, incomprehensible way life moves. One day a resident priest and I were talking about experiences in meditation, and he said, "you know, I usually don't do this. The more I try to talk about particular moments of realization, the more they lose their shine." When we try to take some personal credit for realizing what's universal, we become thieves, mistaking what belongs to everyone as our own, mistaking what's always changing for some fixed idea or concept. There's no problem with thinking about life. We're just so stuck in mistaking our after-the-fact thoughts about life for life itself. Here's a little metaphor/parable . . .

In the middle of the day, you look out over the Grand Canyon. Someone comes up to you and says, "hey, check it out." They show you the screen of their digital camera, and lo and behold, they've taken a picture of the Grand Canyon at dawn. "Pretty sweet, huh? My Grand Canyon has all these pretty colors." Someone else comes up to you. They're sad because their picture of the Grand Canyon is dark and out-of-focus, "It's so terrible. My Grand Canyon is so depressing."

We suffer from this weird human problem where when we look for the Grand Canyon, we look down at our camera screen. When we search for life, we habitually look to our fixed ideas about it. Or, we start comparing our pictures with other people's pictures, "oh mine's so bright, and yours is so dark, I must have gotten something right" or vice versa. In Zen practice, we try to just watch the Grand Canyon. Sometimes it's dark. Sometimes it's bright. Sometimes it's boring. Sometimes, we may even take pictures. We just try to avoid mistaking those little fixed pictures for the actual, constantly changing reality that presents itself in this moment. Even some canyon at its ugliest is more grand than a picture of it's best moment.

Life at the monastery
In my past posts, I talked about the schedule and the general mentality behind a monastic lifestyle. This time, I'll try to give a little update for those who are interested in my personal life. Later this week, I'll try to reflect on some of the teachings that I've been studying.

The daily schedule of meditation, working, eating, and sleeping guides all things here. But, during the summer, Great Vow is especially busy with events. The monastery is also active with many visitors and summer residents coming and going. We oscillate rather quickly from long periods of silent meditation to hosting visitors and being very social. Great Vow is secluded, but it's not closed off. Although there are times dedicated to retreat, silence, and contemplation, the monastery hosts many visitors from many different walks of life.

Over the past month we've had:
- a 4th of July celebration where we participated in the local parade
- a weekend workshop on mindful eating, based on Chozen Bays Roshi's popular book Mindful Eating.
- a daylong workshop on nonviolent communication
- a weeklong sesshin, a silent meditation retreat. This retreat's theme was "Time and Space," and was led by Co-Abbot Hogen Bays. Sesshin involves at least 8 hours of formal meditation per day. You can see the typical schedule here. I'm not mentioning this to brag, but to simply convey the most serious and disciplined aspect of Great Vow's practice. We practice sesshin every month; it's the period of deepest effort we give toward realization.
- a 24-hour inter-faith chant for peace, with 24 different chants led by dozens of different faith groups from around the area.

Personal activities
I spend most of my time absorbed in the scheduled activities at Great Vow, and I've found that that's usually enough to keep me happy and challenged. I derive a lot of satisfaction from the meditation practice, teachings, delicious food, and good company.

My regular work practice has been assisting on a renovation project where we're building new walls to create extra rooms. I've been learning about framing, insulation, drywalling, etc., areas where I have no experience. Sometimes, I get to work in the garden, which I much prefer, but I've accepted this wall assignment as my life; it's the area where I get to integrate meditation practice with practical work. It's been a constant area of growth for me, trying to be mindful, one screw at a time.

The monastery has a "music zendo" chalk-full of instruments that we can play during certain breaks. My major pastime has been playing the harmonium and the many marimbas. There are many talented musicians here, two of which I play with quite frequently. A good friend, John, is teaching me more about raga and other forms of Indian music. It's become very clear that sound and music is one of the easiest ways for me to enter into meditation.

In the next post . . .
I've started writing my next post, which talks more about the Buddhist teachings I'm studying. Hopefully, I will post it by the end of this week. Next week, we are up for another weeklong sesshin.

Until then, many blessings. May your life be free from any trace of suffering.