On the Dharma

At Great Vow, the teachings, "dharma," range from the cosmic to the practical, "time and space" to "nonviolent communication." They also range from the general to the personal. The teachers give regular dharma talks, and in weekly classes we study some texts and discuss general Buddhist topics like the Four Noble Truths and the Five Precepts. Also, I've had many intimate conversations with the abbots, other ordained, and my other fellow residents about insights and issues in my personal practice. Right now, I'm less inclined to talk about those personal subjects, but I might in the future. Some of this personal stuff isn't as relevant to a general audience and they're also tender parts of my practice where insight hasn't come to full fruition yet. Rather than talk about that, I'll talk more about the general teachings.

On the Five Precepts
Currently, I'm preparing to become an official lay Buddhist in the Zen tradition. (Technically, I've already done this in the Tibetan tradition). In most Zen circles, you become a Buddhist by (1) committing yourself to working with the teachers and community and (2) promising to follow a series of precepts for ethical conduct. Currently, I've been taking classes on the Five Precepts. When I first encountered the precepts years ago, I scoffed; they seemed so simple and self-explanatory. The more I examine them, though, I see many areas where I don't follow them and how that's affected myself and others' negatively. In Buddhism, one takes the precepts as a personal challenge; I'm committing to following them myself, not worrying about judging how well others follow them.

In Buddhism, the problem with breaking precepts is not that we have broken some ultimate commandment for which we'll be punished by the universe, but that we have disrespected our self or others and have fogged our view of the essential perfection, or Buddhahood, that we all possess. The basic lesson of karma is that all of our intentional actions leave a mark on us, which for better or worse, can obscure or clarify our vision of the way things are. Basically, somehow we know when we made a mistake, we just need to take responsibility for acting differently in the future.

For me, the structure of the monastery creates a contained space where I can see the karma that I carry around with me. I also have more time to look at it . . . no more excuses for putting off self-examination.

The Zen priest who teaches the precepts class continues to emphasize that the precepts are not rules of right and wrong, but are areas of continual investigation. Within our own body and mind are the signs that we did things that were unskillful or unwholesome. In meditation, we're often trying to concentrate on one thing; if the weight from some unhealthy past action keeps coming to mind, then we know there's something worth atonement and change. The silence of meditation shows us what we need to resolve in our ethical life; a healthy ethical life clears the
way for concentrated meditation.

On the Four Noble Truths
The Four Noble Truths were the Buddha's first major teaching after his enlightenment. Like the precepts, they are also infinitely subtle, and my understanding of them deepens the more I practice. This time around, I'm beginning to understand more deeply the second noble truth.

In the first noble truth, the Buddha famously proclaims that the core problem with life is that we suffer. The second noble truth makes the unconventional claim that our suffering originates from our own mind, from "grasping" or "clinging" . . . "craving for sensual pleasures, craving for existence, craving for extermination." (Dhammacakkappavattana Sutta) I think most people understand how craving for sensual pleasures can drive us crazy. But "craving for existence" and "extermination" is much more subtle and fundamental.

In my daily practice, I've begun to notice more and more the suffering that I create by "craving for existence." On a more obvious level, I suffer when I constantly try to hold on to a particular social identity (I am . . . powerful, attractive, intelligent, etc.). These qualities will all change, and I suffer on those days when I am weak, ugly, and stupid because they contradict an imaginary identity that I've been holding on to. When I suffer from clinging to an identity, I usually find out after the fact. For example, I see that I'm in a bad mood, trace it back to feeling stupid, and realize that I'm clinging to some idea that I'm a smart person. Even if I could be considered smart, walking around thinking I'm smart is just an extra burden on my mind and creates problems. Perhaps, I didn't know something, but only felt like I should because of some inaccurate self-identity.

On a more subtle level, I've been watching this tendency to grasp for existence when it begins, not after I start suffering a lot, but only once I've begun to suffer a little. To refer to my metaphor in the last post, I catch myself taking the digital photos, rather than waiting all the way until my picture doesn't match the scene, and I'm noticeably upset. This might sound strange, but we all possess this awareness that's much greater than our small tourist mindset. We just have to put down the camera . . . over and over and over again. Try it out. Watch the flow of your own mind and notice when you start clinging to some idea that takes you out of the present moment.

Buddha, Dharma, and Sangha
Buddhists often talk about the three jewels, or refuges, that help to support a healthy practice: Buddha (the original teacher, our current teachers, and our own inner-teacher), dharma (the teachings), and sangha (a supportive community).

I've been extremely grateful for the sangha at Great Vow thus far. With the exception of my time in India and last summer, I've done most of my Buddhist practice without much of a community. I've had the support of some professors and friends, and meditation groups here and there, but I've never lived this intensively in a community of practice. On one level, it's amazing to be surrounded by teachers and senior students who can teach me more about the practice and to have time scheduled out to do everything from meditation to chanting.

On a more basic human level, I'm re-learning how profound community can be. I've had my fair share of supportive communities at home and in college. But, now, I'm experiencing an even more intense degree of that support. My needs for affection, attention, support, love, play, teaching, conversation, and silent commune are regularly met because they're dispersed amongst a group of about 30 people that I'm always around. In the past, I've struggled with the anxiety of finding a partner, "going out," or finding new friends in order to meet those needs. I can't say that my social life is 100% satisfying, but that longing has died down quite a bit.

Of course, living in close quarters brings up other issues in terms of tolerating others' quirks and my own aversions to them. The upside is that I'm learning more about skillful communication and managing boundaries, rather than simply avoiding people . . . which I still tend to do. :)


Hope you enjoyed the post! Keep in touch and please appreciate your life as it is. Many blessings.